Am I the only person to ever make a blog and wonder what the purpose was for writing something no one would probably ever read ? I guess this will be my lil space where I can write and say what I want to without any reservations. Well, ok, maybe some. I mean, this is the world wide web. I could start by telling my life story, but that would wear my keyboard out, not to mention it would bore me to tears. I mean, I lived it, why would I want to write about it?
So, what are you suppose to write in one of these things?
Here's an idea. It's actually what brough me to this "blog" thing to begin with.
I was searching on the net trying to find Kuwaiti's that lived in the US. Why? Well because I consider myself half Kuwaiti even though I was born and raised here in the US. My mother was an American and my father was Kuwaiti. A national even. From what I read, that seems to make a difference. Anyway, I tried to find forums where other Kuwaiti's that lived in the US made posts. Couldn't find any. So I started looking for sites with people from Kuwait period. I found a few. I didn't find what I was looking for though. I was looking for something to fill the emptiness, for someone to understand how I was feeling, for someone to say,"I'll be your friend". LOL
I am a grown woman and actually feel silly sitting here typing all this, but maybe it will help me to get it out of my system.
When you are "half" anything I guess it's hard to feel like you really fit in anywhere. I am half of two very complexed cultures and countries. One, the US which I know quite well and one that I love and know very little about (Kuwait). My American family doesn't understand why I want anything to do with my Arab family and vice versa. Rarely do I tell anyone here in the US about my bloodline. Arab's aren't exactly popular and when you live in a lil po'dunk, redneck community as I do it's not something you broadcast. Am I ashamed? Crap no I'm not, but I'm not stupid either. Anyway, it's just that you never feel like you really fit in. I have two "legal" names, Amirah and my American name, *****. If an American friend hear's the name Amirah, they are like "what the heck is that", and then I'm like, "oh well, umm, see.....", and then some of my Arab friends can't understand why anyone with the name Amirah knows so little Arabic. My English is bad enough, my Arabic is just pathetic. I've had a lot of people in the past say, "oh, I will teach you". Well, who can afford to sit on a long distance call and listen to someone try and pronounce something from 10,000 miles away? At one time in my life I was actually getting better, but as they say, if you don't use it, you loose it. I love this language too, Arabic, I mean, and yea maybe because my father was Kuwaiti, I love the Kuwaiti accent the best. I could go on and on about the language. The biggest problem I face is that I am the ONLY one in my Arab family that's Christian. WOW...thats a biggy. Talk about getting dis-owned !! Of course my American family and friends look at me like I am crazy (majnoon) when I tell them that I respect all religions and if I mention the word "muslim", good grief, here comes the lectures.
There are things about each culture that I truly love. I have owned and raised horses all of my life and I can't imagine them not being in my life and I truly can't imagine not being able to ride them anytime and anywhere I wanted to. I have always been a modest person and dressed very modestly, so that's no problem, but I love talking to people and I am not a shy person. Sometimes that is a problem. I don't drink, have never done drugs and I live a good clean life, but in my Arab culture that's not quite strict enough and in my American culture I am viewed as old fashioned and not "with it". LOL See my dilema?
Oh yea, another BIGGY !! My son, joined the US Army so he could go to college and 4 months later on his 19th birthday he landed in Kuwait City and then spent the next 18 months in Iraq. I mean we had Iraqi friends and we have Kuwaiti family. How horrible is that ????
Well I think I had better stop typing and go feed my horses now. I think this has helped some. To put this on paper. More to come I'm sure.